top ten worst pick up lines

no.10 - "Are those space pants? 'Cause your arse is out of this world"
no.9 - "your dad must be a terrorist 'cause he made a bomb"
no.8 - "If I was a fly, I'd land on you first. 'Cause you're the shit"
no.7 - "Excuse me, can you give me directions... to your house?"
no.6 - "Oh, excuse me, but I think you dropped something...(Then hand her a piece of paper with your phone number)"
no.5 - "My penis just died; can I bury it in your arse?"
no.4 - "Hey, you look really fun - I had to come talk to you"
no.3 - After beckoning someone with the 'come here' motion with your index finger say: "I just wanted to see if I could make you come with one finger."
no.2 - "Does this smell like chloroform to you?"
no.1 - "My love for you is like diarrhea - I just can't keep it in"

Interpretation

Recently I came across an analogy called "The beetle in the box". For those of you who aren't familiar with this it goes a little something like this:

Suppose everyone had a box with something in it and what was in that box we called a 'beetle'. No one can look into anyone else's box, and everyone says that they know what a beetle is only by looking at their own beetle. In this situation it would be quite possible for everyone to have something different in their box.

It got me thinking about how we interpret other peoples opinions. I have arguments with my roommate all the time, and we always cast aside each others views on something without taking into consideration that we're both from different cultures and countries. For example we were recently arguing about the pronunciation of the company name "Braun". In England Braun is pronounced phonetically as "Brawn" where as in the US and Azerbaijan it's pronounced phonetically as "Brown". We were arguing over this for the best part of an hour. This disregard for each others cultural differences can be seen all over the world. We all forget that we have all been brought up in different ways and the way we interpret the world won't always be the same. What one may consider socially acceptable, another may consider socially unacceptable.

Keep this analogy in mind next time you're arguing over something, there is always two sides to a story, and neither side has to be wrong.

one point rush

What you need:

- table tennis table

- loads of ping pong balls

- 2x table tennis bats

- a load of mates (drunk optional)

How to play:

basically the rules are if you lose the point you're out. If you lose you have to drop your bat and get out of the way, the next person comes in asap and plays next. But the twist to this game is that the server (the winner of the previous point) can serve whenever he or she wins.

So, by having loads of ping pong balls lying about either side of that table, and only two table tennis bats the game plays extremely fast and is unbelievably funny. Combine it with beer pong and you've got a pretty damn good pre-lash!

language of the EU

Not sure if you've heard or not, but the European Commission has recently announced an agreement whereby english will be the official language of the European Union, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations the British Government conceded that English Spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in-plan that would become known as "Euro-English"

In the first year, the "s" will be replace the soft "c". Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is discrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z", and "w" with "v"

During the fifz yer ze unesersery "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer ve vil hav a real sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und after ze fifz yer ve vil al be speaking german like zey vanted in ze first plas.

Blogging?

Ok, so would someone mind explaining what the hell a blog is used for? I mean is it just here so we can spiel some crap about our lives and let people stalk us to their hearts content? Are there even any stalker, does any one read this stuff, or had everyone become so lazy that they've switched to youtube? Fuckin' slackers! Don't get me wrong, youtube is great and I have my personal favourites on it, but it's just such an easy way out of having to make our brains actually do something. Perhaps I should keep these blogs short and sweet. Don't want to make you work too hard now do I?